Acceptance

If you passed through this blog last week you may recall my final thoughts for Monday’s post. Here’s a quick refresher:

“I was supposed to have my measurements and body fat taken this morning for the first time in 2 weeks. Particularly scary given the importance I’ve built up into it these past few weeks which is now magnified by my expectation that the last 2 weeks (paleo eating) better bloody well have done something. Anyway, my trainer canceled on me so I’ve been granted a reprieve of sorts. Am on the way to doing my own workout now and I guess I just have to decide if I can face the fear and hit those scales ….”

Now read that paragraph through again and then answer me this – what’s the one word that stands out that really shouldn’t have a place in any sort of shape up or health regime? If you answered ‘expectation’, you’re on the right track, and if ‘fear’ is the word that got you then you get bonus points.

Well. Expectation is all fine and dandy in some instances, but when it does in fact mean that you surround yourself with fear and negative self-talk then it’s definitely not a good thing. So I think it’s time for me to ‘fess up – I haven’t been any good at all of late at practicing what I preach. I’m an avid believer in the ability of the mind to overcome even the best of exercise and nutrition regimes, and yet I’ve been putting an unbelievable amount of heat on myself to be back in tip-top shape within weeks of popping a human being out of my nether regions. Not so smart, huh? In fact, looking back, I really have to hang my head a little (final moments of negativity toward self!) at just how brutal my thoughts have been.

Telling myself I look fat. That I’m chunky and disgusting. That I should be embarrassed to go back to work or show my face when I do my refresher BioSignature hormone modulation course next month. And I guess the worst part of this is that the mere idea of being positive-minded wasn’t enough to snap me out of this pattern. Instead it took me being reminded of a little science to realize just what I’ve been doing to myself – in re-reading a Poliquin article over the weekend I was reminded that depression and negative thought patterns ramp down the thyroid (reduce your metabolism), and increase cortisol (fat-storing hormone), so I guess the sad truth is that my motivation in being nice to myself is knowing that it will help me burn more fat!

Anyway – however it comes about, I do feel quite a sense of relief just from 24 or so hours of having cut out the trash talk. Of looking in the mirror and telling myself (and nearly believing!) that I look pretty damn good for a woman who had a baby 9 weeks ago. Telling myself I’m getting leaner every day. That it is what it is and that it WILL work out for me. That I’ll get there. And that it’s actually okay if it takes me a little longer than I’d initially hoped. Because at the end of the day, why is it important to me to look a certain way? Sure, it’s about feeling good, about a sense of control and power, but the truth is it’s also about wanting to feel accepted, wanting to be liked. A kick-back to not being one of the cool kids at school and to having learned these past few years to place perhaps too much importance on the way I present myself; the way others perceive me.

So I’m not saying that this is an excuse to cut back on the training or slack off on the nutrition, but to realize that that’s just part of it. And that looking a certain way is not what will cause people to like or respect me (I hope). And – more importantly – to realize that the things I say to myself, the thoughts I dwell on each day, these are perhaps more than anything the things which shape and mold me as a person. And that maybe, just maybe, in learning to accept myself for who I am at the moment, for the me that I’ve created, I can learn to find pleasure or satisfaction in the smaller accomplishments that occur each day on the path to the end goal. Whatever that may be.

What do you think? How do you treat yourself in your own head?

Body plus baby? Easy!*

Kat

*(We hope)

Are you currently on your own ‘body after bump’ journey? I’d love to hear from you. One of my main reasons for starting this blog (aside from keeping myself accountable) was to form a community of like-minded women. Women who refuse to become a dowdy mother figure and instead choose to embrace their new role with the exceptional health and energy that comes from being in control of their body from the inside out. If this is you then make sure you drop me a line in the comments section below!

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